No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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