yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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