Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
