he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
