The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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