You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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