It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
