I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
