i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
