So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
