Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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