There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
