$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
