I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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