He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
