You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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