We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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