When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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