You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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