..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
