We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
