I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
