yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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