There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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