so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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