Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
