maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
