Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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