I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
