You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
