your parents love me but you hate me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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