I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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