I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
