she woke up with a sticky ear
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
