My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
