even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
