So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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