That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
