I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
