We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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