i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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