Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do vagina's smell?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
