This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
