We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
