Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
