absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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