I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
