dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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