I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
