I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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