I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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