I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Randomize
