I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
