oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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