I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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