just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
