roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
