I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
