i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
