i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
