I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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