It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
