The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
