so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
