hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
